Hey you! Yes you amazing human being, exploring the wide world of communication. There are so many people out here, and they all want to talk to you. It’s pretty scary though, because you might have realized that many of the people out there don’t actually speak the same language as you.

Neurotypical people typically make a point of being interested in each other’s likes and dislikes, as well as what they’ve done in a day, their family and friends, and just their general vibe or how a person is feeling. It’s absolutely normal to complain about little things or celebrate life’s little successes. This can be really different to how people from a traumatic background or with a biological neurodivergence communicate with themselves, their families or each other.

It’s really important to note that just because you’re communicating differently, that doesn’t mean that its weird or abnormal. It’s actually amazing, because by communicating differently, you’re showing people a little bit of your inner world and how you see things. For the people that you are closest with, you should feel like you can communicate the way that is natural to you. You will find those friends, lovers and family who support you and love you unconditionally, and it’s great to be yourself around them.

In the workplace, school or other less casual social settings, however, you might find yourself wanting to communicate in a more neurotypical way. In this article, I’m going to break through that wall a little bit and show you how to build speech patterns for when you want to appear more neurotypical, for whatever reason. Usually that involves meeting someone for the first time and building an appropriate relationship at whatever level from there i.e. work colleague, casual gym friend, gaming buddy.

Step 1: Start watching sitcoms. Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Seinfeld, New Girl. These give an idealised version of human communication at a friendly level, although you need to keep in mind that those characters have known each other for a long time. For the purposes of learning, pay attention to how the main characters interact with people they’re meeting for the first time and literally study those moments. Pause and rewind, watch them over a few times. This can be super helpful to just start identifying the patterns and rhythms of neurotypical human introductions and interactions.

Step 2: Figure out who you are. This is so important. Make a point of identifying the things about yourself you’d like other people to know. Write down your favourite colours, food, drinks, books, movies and fashions. Where have you travelled to that’s interesting? What do you do for work? Where do you like to hang out? You can either write this down or make a mind-map, but either way, figure out your personality so that when people ask you questions, you have varied and knowledgable answers.

Step 3: Find somewhere to chat online with people. Tinder (even if you’re not dating) and Discord are great for this, don’t necessarily meet up with people if you’re not ready for that, it’s all about practice at this stage. About an hour of chatting a day is a pretty good start, and try to talk to the same people every day or every other day so that you get used to remembering details about another person’s life and them remembering things about yours. It’s a great simulation of real life conversations without the actual awkwardness of having to look people in the eye.

Step 4: Start talking to yourself. I’m not kidding – look at yourself in the mirror and practice little phrases until they seem really natural. Body posture and volume need to be considered as well as the actual content of what you’re saying, but it’s practice makes perfect – I promise. You’ll want to write your own phrases to practice that are relevant to you, but some ideas are below.

“Hi my name’s Rose, I’m studying mathematics at the ACU.”

“Hey, you know what I think is really interesting, is just how many different kinds of apples there are.”

“Hi, sorry to bother you, but do you know the wifi password?”

The important thing is to become confident and familiar with how you are presenting yourself to other people. You won’t need to second-guess yourself, because you’ll already know that you have it down pat.

Step 5: Try for an approximately 60-40 split in conversations. With your discord friends or other people that you know IRL, try to have conversations with them where they talk about things they are interested in for about 60% of the time, and you talk about things you’re interested in for 40% of the time. Ask follow up questions, and if they don’t want to talk to you at that exact moment, just move on and try again later.

It’s hard to get out there and make conversation, but the important thing is to apply yourself and practice. You’ll find yourself getting better, which will build the confidence. Once you’ve gotten to know people a bit, asking your friends to help you practice can also help. Ultimately, the main thing is to be interested in another person, and try to make yourself seem interesting to them.

Warmest,

Rose